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  1. Cost of Growing up in Dysfunctional Family
  2. Sharon Martin, LCSW Counseling San Jose and Campbell, CA
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  4. 8 Common Characteristics of a Dysfunctional Family - Psych2Go
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These parents continue dominating and making decisions for their children well beyond the age at which this is necessary. Controlling parents are often driven by a fear of becoming unnecessary to their children. This fear leaves them feeling betrayed and abandoned when their children become independent Forward, On the other hand, these children frequently feel resentful, inadequate, and powerless. Transitions into adult roles are quite difficult, as these adults frequently have difficulties making decisions independent from their parents.

When they act independently these adults feel very guilty, as if growing up were a serious act of disloyalty. Alcoholic families tend to be chaotic and unpredictable.

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  • Rules that apply one day don't apply the next. Promises are neither kept nor remembered. Expectations vary from one day to the next.

    Cost of Growing up in Dysfunctional Family

    Parents may be strict at times and indifferent at others. In addition, emotional expression is frequently forbidden and discussion about the alcohol use or related family problems is usually nonexistent. Family members are usually expected to keep problems a secret, thus preventing anyone from seeking help.

    All of these factors leave children feeling insecure, frustrated, and angry.

    Children often feel there must be something wrong with them which makes their parents behave this way. Mistrust of others, difficulty with emotional expression, and difficulties with intimate relationships carry over into adulthood. Children of alcoholics are at much higher risk for developing alcoholism than are children of non-alcoholics. Abuse can be verbal, physical, or sexual. Verbal abuse - such as frequent belittling criticism - can have lasting effects, particularly when it comes from those entrusted with the child's care.

    Criticism can be aimed at the child's looks, intelligence, capabilities, or basic value. Some verbal abusers are very direct, while others use subtle put-downs disguised as humor. Both types are just as damaging. Definitions of physical abuse vary widely. Many parents, at one time or another, have felt the urge to strike their child.

    With physically abusive parents, however, the urge is frequent and little effort is made to control this impulse. The Federal Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act defines physical abuse as "the infliction of physical injuries such as bruises, burns, welts, cuts, bone or skull fractures; these are caused by kicking, punching, biting, beating, knifing, strapping, paddling, etc.

    Striking a child has much to do with meeting the parent's emotional needs and nothing to do with concern for the child; parents often erroneously justify the abuse as "discipline" intended to "help" the child. Physically abusive parents can create an environment of terror for the child, particularly since violence is often random and unpredictable.

    Sharon Martin, LCSW Counseling San Jose and Campbell, CA

    Abused children often feel anger. Children of abusive parents have tremendous difficulties developing feelings of trust and safety even in their adult lives. While parents may justify or rationalize verbal or physical abuse as discipline aimed at somehow helping the child, there is no rationalization for sexual abuse.

    Sexual abuse is the most blatant example of an adult abusing a child purely for that adult's own gratification. Sexual abuse can be any physical contact between an adult and child where that contact must be kept secret.

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    Demonstrations of affection -- such as hugging, kissing, or stroking a child's hair -- that can be done openly are quite acceptable and even beneficial. When physical contact is shrouded in secrecy then it is most likely inappropriate. Sexual abuse happens to both boys and girls. It is perpetrated by both men and women.

    It cuts across lines of race, socioeconomic level, education level, and religious affiliation. In most cases, sexual abuse is part of an overall family pattern of dysfunction, disorganization, and inappropriate role boundaries.

    Why Dysfunctional Families Do Not Change

    Responsibility for sexual abuse in all cases rests entirely with the adult. No child is responsible for being abused. Most sexually abused children are too frightened of the consequences for themselves and their families to risk telling another adult what is happening.

    8 Common Characteristics of a Dysfunctional Family - Psych2Go

    As a result they grow into adulthood carrying feelings of self-loathing, shame, and worthlessness. They tend to be self-punishing and have considerable difficulties with relationships and with sexuality. Regardless of the kind of dysfunction or abuse, effects vary widely across individuals. Support from other healthy adults, success in other areas, or positive changes in the family can help prevent or minimize negative effects. The following questions may help you identify how you may have been or continue to be affected. Adults raised with family dysfunction report a variety of long-term effects.

    The following questions may help you assess your own situation. Answering "Yes" to these may indicate some effects from family dysfunction. Most people could likely identify with some of them. If you find yourself answering "Yes" to over half of them, you likely have some long-term effects of living in a dysfunctional family. If you find yourself answering "Yes" to the majority of them you might consider seeking some additional help.

    Regardless of the source of dysfunction, you have survived. You have likely developed a number of valuable skills to get you through tough circumstances. Consequently, it is important to first stop and take stock. You may find that much of what you learned in your family is valuable. Many of the survival behaviors you developed are your best assets.

    For example, people who grow up in dysfunctional families often have finely tuned empathy for others; they are often very achievement-oriented and highly successful in some areas of their lives; they are often resilient to stress and adaptive to change. In examining changes you may want to make in yourself, it is important not to lose sight of your good qualities. Patience is necessary! Negative effects from growing up in dysfunctional families often stem from survival behaviors that were very helpful when you were growing up, but may become problematic in your adult life.

    Remember that you spent years learning and practicing your old survival skills, so it may take awhile to learn and practice new behaviors. Adult Children of Alcoholics Self-help support group for those who have grown up in dysfunctional families. Vannicelli, M.

    When will my book be dispatched from your warehouse?

    Group psychotherapy with adult children of alcoholics: treatment techniques and countertransference. New York: Guilford Press. Forward, S. Toxic parents: Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life. New York: Bantam Books. This help yourself originally written and developed in by Sheryl A.